Good Advice
by Saint Anne
Summary: Trying to get my brain going again here...well, 1+2, songfic, entrapment by Relena..


Good Advice  
  
Pairings: 1+2  
Warnings: Just some shounen-ai, perhaps light yaoi hints. Slight Heero bastardization, Relena bashing   
Lyrics: Heart Shaped Box by Nirvana  
Disclaimer: I don't own the bishies, but we sure love to play  
Author's Plea/Notes: [..] = lyrics, as if I had to tell you. This beginning led to something totally different from what I expected, and I can't say whether I'm pleased with it or not. I tried a different way of writing from what I normally do; still mulling that over too. ^^;; And now on to the fic authored by someone even more insecure than the main character:  
  
  
[She eyes me like a Pisces when I am weak]  
Hn. Everywhere I go, she's there. I must have drained a bottle of anacin this week alone from her shrill voice screaming my name. I used to admire her for all that she stood for; or rather all that she hoped to stand for. I could still hold some shred of respect for her if she hadn't started stalking me like common prey. She has a stare that can be compared to that of a homicidal maniac. Her eyes become so icy and intense, possessive even. But she never pounces directly. She's going by this strategically. She may be the only one who knows who I truly pine for, and she's taking it to her advantage, using it as blackmail against me if I ever falter. Normally I could break free, if not for the..delicate nature of this particular situation.   
  
[I've been locked inside your Heart-Shaped box for a week]  
Yes, even Relena can be scary. She'll sneak into my apartment while I'm at work and scribble "I love you" all over the bathroom walls in red lipstick. She's fond of sending a blank screen to my comm unit accompanied with her heavy breathing. Then she becomes typical again..stalking me incessantly. I swear she wants me to kill her. She seems to counter it with heavy doses of friendly behavior; bringing over dinner, trying to make semi-normal conversation, offering a shoulder to cry on. (Like that would ever happen.) And I can't escape because she knows. She knows whom I really want to be with. And if I don't put up with her madness she'll be all too ready to squeal. I..I fear..that if she tells..he'll reject me. And longing silently in the shadows is far less painful than outright rejection.  
  
[I was drawn into your magnet tar pit trap]  
She was all sympathy at first, explaining how she knew exactly how it felt to not be able to tell the one person you love that you do. For an instant she seemed to care. "Oh Heero, you know you can always come talk to me." "Oh Heero, I don't know why he wouldn't want you." "Oh Heero, you're stronger than that." As time when on she became twisted. Her erratic behavior startled me, surprisingly, but she still offered a few comforting words to cradle and reassure my resurrected emotions. That's why I got too close. Then she started threatening me. If I didn't continue with our 'special friendship,' she would tell all, fully knowing that I'd never have it in me.  
  
[I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn back]  
Once she started pummeling me with her two tiny fists, screaming wildly that I was forever hers. When she finished she heaved pathetically and wrapped her arms around my shoulders and cried, mumbling in between that someday I would find the love of my dreams. I used to feel nothing towards her. But now I felt pity. She clung on so dearly to the hope that I would be her knight in shining armor. I tried to explain that life didn't work that way, and that's when she started throwing punches. Odd..I'd like to help her.  
  
[Hey  
Wait  
I've got a new complaint]  
I remember telling her about how horrible it was to feel these new sensations. I've always believed in acting on one's emotions, but these new feelings were so intense and foreign that I didn't know what to make of them. Logically it was filed away in the "things to destroy/kill" sector of my mind. This indeed made me weak, it entrapped me with her; but I didn't tell her that of course. She read me the riot act on how every other person in the world felt these things and dealt with them accordingly, and that it was about time that I did too. Now that I think back on it, she probably figured that the "according" way to deal with these feelings was to bestow them on a certain blonde ex-queen, not on a gorgeous braided pilot. The right way was to her heart. The way to a boy's heart was simply unnatural.   
  
[Forever in debt to your priceless advice]  
"Deal with your emotions accordingly." Thank you, Relena.  
  
[Hate  
Weight  
I've got a new complaint]  
  
That was when I decided to tell him. I had to free myself from this torture, and I seemed to have Relena's blessing, albeit backwards, and not that I would need it in the first place. I can still see the expression on his face when I awkwardly uttered the words that I had wanted to say for what seemed like an eternity. Those bright eyes lit up in a way I never thought possible. He just stood there for a while, grinning at me, giving me time to absorb that I wasn't rejected at all. Then he wrapped his arms around me, and for the first time I tasted his sweet lips. He said he had just about given up on me. I replied, "Me too." She no longer has that hold on me.  
  
  
[Forever in debt to your priceless advice]  
I never really got a chance to thank her.  
  
[Meat-eating orchids forgive no one just yet]  
Duo and I planned on spending some time together that night, so I rushed to my apartment to gather the few necessities I needed and then some, depending on how long we were going to be..busy. And that had to be a night Relena chose for adding another color scheme to the bathroom walls. She inquired, I answered. Needless to say it wasn't a very pleasant scene.  
"You told him! But Heero, I said deal with you emotions!"  
"I did."  
"No you didn't! You didn't deal with them the right way. What you're doing isn't right!"  
"And who's to say it isn't right?"  
"You're a man, Heero, men don't fall for other men. I'll make it plain as day for you since you obviously haven't been understanding what I've told you all this time. You're supposed to be with me. You saved the world and I help keep it free. It's the way it's supposed to be. It's what you feel, I know it is." She twitched slightly.  
"Emotions aren't bound by rules."  
"You can't leave me!"  
"You're a friend Relena. I believe now that you did help me."  
"I'm more."  
"No."  
"YES!"  
"I never made any attempt to show the type of love you want from me. I thought you could be a friend and I shared what was bothering me. You manipulated that. You cannot force someone to love you."  
"I think you manipulated something too"  
"We already resolved that issue."  
For a moment she looked defeated. "Go. Run off with that boy. See what I care."  
"Please leave us alone."  
"Go!"  
  
She did indeed leave us alone. For a day or so.   
  
  
[Cut myself angel's hair and baby's breath]  
She drives past our place at night, and I swear I think I hear her cackling. I know what she's up to now, and I'm going to beat her to the punch.  
  
[Broken hymen of your highness I'm left black]  
"Duo, wake up."  
"Hm? Ohh..what is it?"   
"This has been on my mind for a while. And I want you to hear it from me." I hate it when he gets that worried pout.  
"Something wrong?"  
"I did something before we came together. It was a mistake." I wonder if I'll ever be able to get this out. How can I hurt him. But I learned that holding back only cased more pain.  
"What was?"  
I mumble, "Um..being..with Relena."  
His lip quivers. "You mean?.."  
"Yes."  
I can tell he's trying. "..Why?"  
"I was boxed in. Remember I explained it to you? She got angry one night. Very angry. She came on to me and I pushed away. She made it clear that if I didn't comply my secret would be out. At that point I couldn't handle it"  
He's not talking. He's thinking.  
"Why tell me this?"  
"I don't want you to get the wrong idea. Relena is mad, she'll do anything to make this misery. She won't tell you the truth."  
He's wiping the moisture from his eyes. "You..you didn't want to..to.do.."  
"Absolutely not."  
He's thinking again. His brow's twitching.  
"You're crazy. You couldn't just come to me then? You were so afraid of me that you went with her?"  
"I'm sorry.."  
"For Christ's sakes, you're human, Heero! I never thought you of all people would make a mistake like that. Odd as it sounds I find this to be a relief."  
I'm stunned.  
  
[Throw down your umbilical noose so I can climb right back]  
We talk about this for a while. We all have our own insecurities, some stronger than others. I thought no one like Duo would ever love me. I erred many times with that thinking. Relena's insecurities delve far deeper I suppose. But it's one thing to deny your feelings and another to force them upon someone. I know it's going to take her far longer to deal with her emotions accordingly. I'm going to need a lot more anacin.   
  
  
  
  
..owari. oof   



End file.
